Princess in Another Castle

the dark knight

While walking down the street, the adventurers hear a cry, “stop! Thief!” the man shouts through the crowded streets of Blendora. A young boy is running headlong towards them. He crashes into Mia, and both tumble to the ground. The boy drops a loaf of bread and a cigarette. The boy leaps to his feet, but Kikuri, with her lightening fast reflexes, grabs the boy. In the distance the authorities approach. Zager, sensing trouble, attempts to stalk away, only to draw the attention of Kikuri. Having split attentions, Kikuri releases the boy. Kaylee, quick thinking, dazes the young thief. A Friar sprints toward the group, and tells the young boy off for thieving. “Galford,” he states, “thou shalt not steal.” And drags the boy off. Galford protests, " The bread is for my family, they are starving!" But the cry goes unheard by authorities. Kaylee, now concerned, asks the guard about the boys family. She learns they are street rats. Kaylee takes the bread and stores in her bag.
Zager wanders to the closest bar. Meanwhile Kaylee asks around the city about the boy, learning he and his family like in the sewers. Sensing adventure, the girls fetch Zager from his drunken retreat.
The party search for some time on how to enter the sewer system. They finally come across an entry way in a dark, dank alleyway. They wander in, eventually coming to a river of sewage. Kaylee shouts down the corridor, and hears noises in return. Mia, being brave, is the first to climb down into the water. It is cold and knee high, reeking of pestilence and disease. Zager, not liking any of this, wanders out of the sewer. Kaylee follows. Eventually Kikuri and Mia come to the conclusion it may be pointless and futile. And so the party leave the sewer.

Returning to the busy streets of Beldora, Kaylee decides Mr.Fluffles deserves a treat. She lights the cat a cigarette. Kikuri, dead against smoking, takes the cigarette away. Now angry, Mr.Fluffles swipes at her and misses. Mia, seeing this, gives the kitty another smoke. Kikuri gives Mia slack.
The party, now tired of bickering, decide to return to the richer neighbourhood of town. They search and search, looking for more airships. But alas, they see nothing. Asking around they discover that Baron Von Schnickle was the inventor of the airship. He commercialized them to the rich and powerful ever since. They find the Baron lives in a pink house on the corner. The party go to the pink house to discover it is huge! They approach the gates. A guard approaches the party and asks, “Do you have an appointment?” Zager, being clever, spins a story about Kaylee being Baron Von Schnickles long lost niece. Kaylee understanding the ploy cries, “I want to see Uncle The Baron.” Unfortunately the guards do not fall for the trick. Kikuri asks if they can make an appointment. The guard tells them “Be here for 11am tomorrow sharp.” The party walks away, hearing the snears and jabs of the guards behind them.
While waiting for time to pass, Mia and Kikuri wander the streets of Blendora. Zager decides to make some money and plays his music in the street. Kaylee decides to help him. The party retire for the night at The Silver Terd.

The next morning the party head toward The Barons house, with the same guards at the gate. They are way too early.
Zager decides to busk again. A young lady comes towards Zager, and attempts to woo him. she coaxes him into an alley. The young women franticly asks him to help her escapes. She tells him her pimp is an abusive tyrant!
Kaylee, think the girl would need a disguise, hands her Park Ranger Parkers clothes. They head to the city gates and it appears they are being followed. The party backs away and bumps into more of the tyrannical pimps lackeys. Kaylee pocket sands the men, he turns green and drops. Zager sleep spells the other man, and Mr.Fluffles falls asleep, as well as the young lady. Kikuri and Zager pick up chickie and run. They get about 60ft and stumble. Zagger drops her feet. Kaylee colour sprays the remaining men, one guy goes down, and the other gets past her. Mr Fluffles attacks the man and claws at his face. Mia tackles him, and misses, dropping to the ground herself. Zagger and Kikuri continue to run with chickie. Mia rises to her feet and runs into an alley, following Kaylee. The two hide, until the cost is clear. They then decide to head back to Baron Von Schnickles house.
Chickie awakes and her, Zager and Kikuri continue to run. Zager uses his grease spell behind them. The following guards fly across the grease and tumble to the ground. Zager dazes the man, and he tries to tackle Zager but misses. Zager runs once again. The 3 finally make it to the gates. Four more henchmen appear. Kikuri, always vigalent, notices them and pulls herself and chickie into an alleyway. Zager notices a sewer entrance and they enter it. A tug of war ensues between Zager and Kikuri. Zager wants to find another way out of the city through the tunnels, Kikuri disagrees. Kikuri wins the fight of wits and they retreat from the sewers once again. Kikuri comes up with a plan to use the Park Ranger Parker disguise to they’re advantage. They bundle chickies hair under the hat. They start toward the gate. Zager plays his guitar as a distraction. Kikuri and Chickie sneak toward the gate slowly. Unfortunately two of the henchmen notice them, and walk in they’re direction. Zager shouts/sings angry words toward at the two remaining men. One the the guys takes Zagers guitar and throws it. Zager, now royally pissed, freaks out!
The other two henchmen, now at Kikuri and Chickies back attack. One man takes Chickie, one takes Kijuri. Kikuri kicks the man in the shin, the other man continues to take Chickie. Just then the Henchmen suddenly collapse to the ground. The party run out of the gates, not even looking back. They take Chickie to a reststop of sorts, where her sister awaits her arrival. Kikuri and Zager return to town, and embark to The Barons house.

Mia and Kaylee are let into Baron Von Schnickles house. They walk over the vast grounds, past ridiculous statues and the massive fountain. As they get to the house, Kikuri and Zager appear at the house gates. A guard splashes Zager with water because he smells like sewer.
Mia and Kaylee are taken to the Barons office. They ask him about airships and he wonders why. Kaylee draws a picture of the airship the party saw back at the Cathedral. Kikuri and Zager enter the office. Kaylee tells the Baron that the airship belongs to her long lost uncle, but the Baron doesn’t believe her. The Baron tells them that the airship they are looking for belongs to a very evil man, The Earl, who is a larger corporation holder in town. The Earl is The Barons biggest competator in business. The Baron tells them that The Earl controls most of the crime in Blendora. His house, which is down the road, is protected by a Dark Man, and is heavily guarded.
And so the adventurers leaves Baron Von Schnickle.

Later that day the party relaxes in a tavern. Zager performs, assisted by Kaylees pristigitations as a light show. Unfortunately, the people of Blendora don’t appreciate this kind of entertainment and “BOO” them off. Kaylee, highly offended colour sprays the people yellow. Both her and Zager run into the back alley behind the bar. Kaylee down fearing for her life, colour sprays again. Zager dazes some of the chasing men as well. One of the attackers sharply punched the air in front of him. Kaylee fall backwards and plays dead. Zager attempts the same but he is surrounded by people who kick his limp body. Kaylee is also attacked in this manner.
From the bars back door, Kikuri shouts, " Hey fuckheads! Leave them alone!" One of the attacking men turns on her and winds up his attack. Suddenly he falls flat on the ground, two more attacking men fall as well. Smoke bombs cover the ground.
Suddenly a caped figure drops to the ground at the end of the alleyway. He says in his dark husky voice that Baron Von Scnickle lied to the party, and that the Earl is not they’re enemy. The Baron is one of three servants of an organized group. He also informs them that the Baron holds a map, that would help them greatly in the search for the Princess Pom.

Letter to Mother

Dear Mother,

The country of Blendora is…well..I HATE THIS PLACE! I HATE IT SO MUCH!!

We managed to pass the border into Blendora, after we passed Mia changed into Parker’s clothes that Kaylee took. We made our way to the next town to find Mia some new armor since hers was, well, kinda screamed Bole soldier. Also Kaylee learned a new spell that throws a snowball…it was kind of disturbing but ok then. Once we were in the town we found a tavern called Zhe Smoking Baby, Kaylee goes off with Zager into their room and manages to find 6 cigarettes, after playing with Mr. Fluffles she follows her under a bed right before Zager comes back to the room after being in the bar, drinking, with him is a larger woman where they have….intercourse.
During all this Mia and I were in our room sleeping. After they had their roll in the hay, the larger woman dropped a cigarette on the floor and it rolled under the other bed, which happened to be Kaylee’s hiding spot, she picked it up and started smoking the cigarette while the larger woman looked under the bed and screamed along with Kaylee. The larger woman then started talking to Zager about his sexual preferences. He then tried to put her to sleep and failed but ended up putting Kaylee to sleep, so with that done he went for another round. After Kaylee wakes up she comes to my room and explains what happened and we let her spend the night with us. In the morning we go get breakfast where I take the coffee away from Kaylee and the cigarette she was going to start smoking. We see Zager come in the room and I punch him off his chair while screaming at him then I storm off. He then throws a smoke and Kaylee picks it up and starts smoking it. I came back and took it away from her, I managed to take the rest of them from her and gave them to a homeless man and Kaylee gave him a ration. While Mia was looking for armor, which she couldn’t find any, I carried Kaylee to her.
As we leave the town to the city, Kaylee sends Mr. Fluffles to find some cigarettes and she does, she brings them back to Kaylee but she starts smoking one and I take them away yet again. Once we get to the city Zager goes off to find drugs, and Mia goes off to find armor while I take Kaylee to the smoke factory, when we arrived there was a tour but it wasn’t for another hour so I bought a pack of cigarettes and took Kaylee to a park, we sat under a tree and I made her smoke them until she would stop. She had 3 cigarettes before she got sick and promised to stop.
Mia was not having much luck in finding some armor that was in her price range, but she ended up buying some new armor with the help of of everyone. We found Mia and started looking for Zager, who left an ally he found since the drugs were to expensive and found another ally where he ended up buying some. After we all found each other, Zager asked around about Patrick and all we found out was that he vanished while he was the structural engineer for the spire where the royal family is currently living at the top. We then went to get a room at a place called The Silver Turd, we were going to stay at The Golden Turd but it was to expensive. Kaylee played with Mr. Fluffles while Kikuri had a bath before going to bed and Mia just went to bed. While we were relaxing Zager decided to try some of his drugs and went to a bar type thing and ate cheesecake, 3 pieces to be exact with a glass of wine.
We went to breakfast and went on our way to the spire again and stopped to help a young girl who was crying cause her kitty was stuck in a tree and Kaylee used one of her spells to get the kitty out of the tree. We get to the spire and went to the records room, we didn’t learn much after Mia got caught sneaking around the clerks desk.
We then leave to head back to the spire and run into an old beggar who was blind and had asked to be taken to a sandwich shop and be bought a sandwich with his money, Kaylee went in and asked for a sandwich and went to pay and just held out the bag to the cashiers, I came in to see what was taking so long and noticed that there were no copper pieces in the bag, even though we had given a few before hand just gold piece. I paid for the sandwich and had returned back outside. We first thought it was the bag and Zager and myself went to buy him a new one to exchange it with but that wasn’t it, we thought it could be his cup but it wasn’t that either, after the beggar left Zager remembered he knew a spell that could sense magic, he could tell it was something around his waist area that was magic. He chased after the beggar with us on his heels, me mainly to make sure Zager didn’t hurt him. The beggar wend down a dead end ally and vanished, Zager stood there staring down the ally with utter confusion and the rest of us just looked on, finding it kind of funny.

It’s starting to get a bit complicated but just letting you know, don’t ever visit Blendora…it’s a horrible horrible place…I still don’t understand why I’m going on with these people… hopefully I’ll be home soon to tell you the rest of the story.
Love you’re daughter,

Kaylees Diury 2

today we left the cassle and we went to give the frying pan to Parkursfrend in town becuz he gav it to us to giv to her and then we left the town to go get prinses Pom from the cuntry that isnt bol so we got on are horses and road to the other cuntry that i dont remembur the name of becuz im not very good at rememburing names but Keekooree is and she rememburs that stuf for us becus i dont think Meeya or Chudee are very good at rememburing things like that oh i forgot to menchin that i got a cat and i named him Mr. Fluffles becus now i dont hafta liy abowt having a cat and hes a super smart cat cus we wer playing hide n seek and Mr. Fluffles fownd me evry time cus hes so smart but when it was his tern to hide i cudnt find him for such a long time but he likes food a lot so i giv him food when i want him to com owt and he likes that and purrs and hes so cewt when he purs and so i put him on my horse Mr. Fluffles and we road owt to the plase with the nam i cant remembur becus im bad at rememburing names but i alredy sayd that! so then we were riding and then we slept owtside and these big bugs bit me and evryone else and it hurt a lot and i didnt feel so gud after and then we road the next day and we saw a town on fier and we went to help and orcs were herting inosent pepul and we helped them by kiling the orcs but the pepul were meen and they didnt even say thank you wich yure supost ta do when somewon is nice to you! and they wer meen so i went to sleep and they said thank you the next day wich made me feel a litl beter but not all the way beter and then they sayd there wer mor orcs and so we went to the orc villuj and ther wer orcs ther and we kiled them and i trid to use my kal tropz but they did not werk and we got hert a lot but we kiled the orcs and went to the town that was on fier eksept it wusnt on fier anymore and then we went back on owr horses and i got on Mr Fluffles and we went to the bordr and the gards there smokt a lot and lookt kinda meen but i gav him sum gold and they let us go threw and now Keekooree is tellun me we need to keep goin so i gess i shuld stop wrytin and get Mr. Fluffles and put him on Mr. Fluffles so we can hed owt to the town i think thats wear were gowing becus i dont acshuly now and i hop that Keekooree or Meeya nows but i dont now becus i havnt seen them with a map and i havnt been to this cuntry befor

The showdown at the top of Forest Temple
Squashing Jumpman

So when last we left out heroes, they had courageously fought through the cursed temple and solved the riddle to ascend the stairs to the second flood. There on the porch of the church sanctuary they saw the princess, tied up and helpless. As they ran too her, they were obstructed as a swift figure jumped from the rooftops and blocked their path. It was the leader of the mercenary group who was known as Jumpmanor The Bouncer. Armed with a metal club and with two archers for support he managed to hold off the party while a mysterious airship approached. A dark figure, clad in a black robe emerged and snatched the princess away, flying off in the direction of Blendora. The heroes defeated Jumpman and one of his companions but the third managed to escape into the wilderness.

Defeated, the heroes returned home to report their findings to the royal family. While Miaand Kayleewent to the castle to explain, Zagerand Kikuriwent in search of the old woman the gypsy had requested a birthday song for since it seemed she had placed a curse on Zager and his hair had been falling out every day past her birthday. At the castle, the Queen reemed out Mia for her sloppy work of not returning the princess and when she was about to let her go, Mia’s pants came undone from some unknown magical force, enraging the queen and having Mia thrown into jail for yet another night. Kaylee returned to the group just as they found the elderly couple returning from a walk from the grocers. Almost scaring the old lady into a heartattack by surprising her with song, Zager completed what he had set out for and quickly left to sell the silver cross he had found at the forest temple. Kikuri decided to stay and was invited in for tea as well as stories about their missing son, Patrick, who had gone to Blendora and was never heard from again.

Kaylee had followed Zager to the shops and became quickly distracted by a local pet store. Going inside, she fell in love with a black cat who she purchased and named Mr. Fluffles. Zager hit the shops and attempted to bargain with the shopkeeps which only seemed to end in failure and disarray as they kicked him out of their businesses. Still unsure what his mysterious potion could do, he proceeded to the nearest tavern. Finding the table with the most drunk men around it, he bought them all a round and slipped the potion into one of the men’s drink. He toasted to them and watched as the man guzzled down his ale and fell backwards. As he hit the stone floor, he began melting into the stone. His friends quickly jumped to help him up as Zager made a hastily escape into the night.

The next morning, Mia was released from jail and the party met up at the stables, ready to proceed to Blendora to find their beloved princess.

Adventure log 4- Our first Dungeon

After finally fining the back door to the cathedral, we decided to go through the cellar like doors. Once down the stairs we noticed we were in a cave. The wall were lined with crates. The young Kaylee , curious as she is, investigated, followed by Zager. After one to many careless steps, Zager triggered a trap. Snakes descend on him and attack. He sustained wounds to his legs and – cough – well…his man…parts. Other injuries to Zager were in friendly fire. Kaylee cast her favoured colour spell to turn Zager, and the opposing snakes pink. Unfortunately, along with colour confusion and unconsciousness occurs. Well it helped us defeat the enemy, we had to retreat out of the cave. We convene back to park ranger parkers cabin. Kikuriassisted the dazed and confused Zager the whole way. Parker, being the nice, but slightly dimwitted man he is, brought forth berries, roots and bugs and created a remedy for Zager, who gladly took it. As for the rest of us, we rested up for the night, anticipating the day ahead.
We waited for Zager to awaken, which happened at about noon. He was obviously in pain, especially in his…umm… lower regions. Parker, once again, fed us a hearty meal.
We embarked back to the door, went strait thought the cave, to the stairs on the far side which we ascended. We entered a hall of sorts, flanked by majestic statues. On the far wall was a desk. I searched the desk, finding papers. Among these papers a came across a diary entry.
We turned to the room directly to our right, to find a temple over grown with foliage. We then turned to the other door at the other end of the hall. It lead into a lavatory of sorts.
Kaylee, still more curious than a cat, explored the wardrobe. Kikuri made her way to the curtained tub, which is when she got attacked. A second monster lunged out of the second tub and attacked Zager, biting him. He quickly became paralysed. A monster also attacked me, and I became paralysed as well. It appeared the paralysis was only temporary. Just as I became paralysed, Zager snapped out of his. Zager attacked wildly, winning us the battle. I quickly recover from the paralysis as well.
We notice a ceremonial bow on the wall, decorated in yellow gems, which Kikuri pocketed. We continue to search the room, and came up with nothing.
We leave the bathroom, and went back through the hall and enter a library. We search the room and there appeared to be nothing.
Kikuri opened the other door, leading into the hall. There is a highly decorative door on the left, that appeared to be locked. There was a message on the door, which was very cryptic. There was also four slots in the door. Kaylee stuck her finger in one of the slots, just to be struck by a small bolt of lightening. She repeated her action with another slot, only to find fire that time. We turn to the door adjacent to the decorated one, to find it barred. Kikuri and I opened the bar on the door, and pulled the doors open. It turned out to be the front door of the cathedral, the one which we couldn’t enter before.
We continued down the hallway to another door, to find a dark prayer room. Kikuri lit the candles, and we noticed mats on the floor
The mats suddenly flew up, two ghouls appeared. The ghouls attacked at Kikuri and myself, while Zager and Kaylee went around to the door on the other end of the room. Once again, I got bitten, and paralysis ensued. Kaylee and Zager came through the back door, trying a sneak attack. Kaylee used her colour spell again, this time blue. My paralysis wore off, and I jump into battle. Together, we defeated the ghouls.
Kaylee searched the room, finding another ceremonial weapon, this time a sword. Zager took the swords as well blue gems that were with it.
We returned to the library and continued to search the room. I found a ceremonial shield with green gems. I took both. We returned to the bathroom as well, and retrieved the bow. We went through the second door in the bathroom, to find a bedroom. Kikuri searched the bed, while I searched the night stand. I found another note. Kaylee searched the closets only to be attacked by yet another ghoul.
We battled fiercely but the ghouls were too much to take at that point. We retreated to the bathroom, I carrying and unconscious Kaylee, Zager and unconscious Kikuri. We retreated to the bathroom, and I barricaded us in. Zager continued to heal Kaylee with his spells, and decapitates the already dead ghouls, just in case.
We decided to leave the cathedral, and head to exit out the front door. Zager carried Kaylee, and I carried Kikuri. Thankfully we made it out unnoticed.
We headed back to park ranger parkers cabin once again to recover. We rested for the night, only to wake up sick and weak the next morning. We decided to take the day to recover fully.
The next day we headed back to the cathedral, and entered through the front door. We made our way back to the bedroom, through the bathroom door once again. We searched the bedroom to find nothing, the ghouls were gone. Kaylee being creative decided to try fishing through one of the far doors. She put park ranger parkers hat on her fishing line and cast it through the door. Zagers observation of “what if she catches one?” went unheard. Kaylee’s fishing came up with nothing in the end. We opened the door to find the hall. Kikuri opened the other door to another room, and finds a ceremonial axe, with glittering red gems, which she handed to Zager, to hold.
We search the cathedral knowing the ghouls must be somewhere. We ended up in the library. Zager found a ghoul huddled under and got attacked.
While battle ensued, Kikuri went to the ornamental door. She stuck the arrow, from the ceremonial bow, into one of the slots. Kikuri quickly jumped, narrowly avoided the lightening. During the battle in the library, Zager got paralysed. But we defeated the ghoul.
We headed back to the door, and suddenly I realized what the riddle to the door was! The coloured gems corresponded with the letters on the plaque by the doors! I entered the gems in the order of the letters, and the door opened!
We entered the room, Kikuri lit the torches. Kaylee searched the desk on the far side of the room, only to find another piece of paper. Kaylee, being a little slow, need help reading. Kikuri helps her learn quickly.
The paper referred to a jewelled cross that was hidden in the cellar.
We head back down to the cave, and search the crates that formerly housed the snakes. We also see skeleton beside the crates. We finally found the beautiful cross.
We headed back to the room with the decorative door, to find to spirial staircases.
Now to decide what to do next

kaylees diury

today started owt with us going back to the Jipsee becuz we did not get rid of the spydurs in the forest wich i liked but Keekooree didnt like cus she does not spydurs for sum reeson but i liked them and the prety ladee in the forrest let me play with the spydurs and one of them ran on me and tickuled me

so then we went to the jipsee and she was meen and mad like befor and told us to go back and make the lady in the forest leave wich is not very nice becus she reely likes the forest so we went back to her and i played with her spydurs again and evryone wus talking about fiting her but i tryed to tell her nicely to leve the forest becus the jipsee was trying to hurt her and the spydurs and i didnt want them to get hurt but she sayd she didnt want to leve so we went back agan to the jipsee and she was not happy!

the secund tiem we went back to the jipsee she told us were the cart went down the rode to the old cathyd cathee catheudr to the old cherch and then she tuk wun of Chudees hair spicks wich was relee funy cus now he looks so sily without it!

when we got to the cherch the door was loced real tite and i culdnt open it not even with my spel or by pushing reely hard! so i luked threw the window and saw that ther wus no one insyd but then Keekooree founde a cabyn wich was emptee and had blud on the floor i luked arownd and did not see the pryncis insyd but there wus food wich i took but then I put back later cus we fownd the persun woo ownd it but thats geting a hed of the storee!

we luked in the forust for a long time and Keekooree fownd a dark cav i yeled in the cav and said i lost my kite flufles wich was not true but it wus a trik becus we herd pepul insid! but they did not com out so we went in and fot in the dark some cobults wich I reconize from dad fiting them in the home cav but there wer lots of them and they wur hideing in the dark wich is reely sneeky of them and we were wining but then i don’t remembur wut hapend next but i woke up in the bed in the cabun and evryune wus sleping! so i went bak to bed even tho i wus not that slepy and then the next day the man hoo ownd the cabin was in the bak of the cav! so we tuk him bak and helpd pach him up and then i snuk his fude bac wen no one wus loking cus i did not meen to steel

and then the man told us that ther wus a bak doore to the cherch this hole tiem wich is funnee cus i loked for it yestrdaye and I did not see it at all! and now i hafta go cus evrywun is abowt to go in and i need to help them!

Adventure log #2

Dear Mother,
…Ok I might have to explain the whole spiders thing…let me explain from the beginning.

After we found proof that the two guards that we were talking to weren’t actually real guards, and I made sure to apologize and untie the two poor men who were in the guard shack, anyways! We took them to the cells and asked them a few questions but got no where, later on we heard of “The Room”, it turns out the room was a torture chamber which happened to be at the bottom of some stairs. As we took the human prisoner to the room, which was very dark and after a moment I found a torch and lit it. As we walked to the stairs Mia tried to push the prisoner down the stairs…which didn’t work to well since she ended up falling down 87 stairs herself, then uhm, he calls himself Zagger but he’s just annoying, but he tried to do the same thing and ended up following Mia down the stairs, only fell 71 though. I took initiative and escorted the prisoner, who was laughing at this point, down the stairs and into the room.

Once in the room Mia and Zagger put him on this table that looked like an ‘X’ which pulled his legs and arms, stretching him really. After a moment of asking where the princess was they turned the cranks and managed to pop out his left shoulder and just pull on his right. Seeing he was in meaningless pain I released his arms and Mia attempted to pop his shoulder back into place and failed horribly, I properly put his shoulder into place. He had told us that she was taken to the west in a caravan. Mia then moved him to a wall and just shackled him to the wall and left with Zagger to collect the half-orc and bring him to the room as well, while they were gone Kaylee had given the man some water and some food, he told us all he was suppose to do was replace the guards at the gate and let the caravan through. I felt the urge to poke him so…I did, it then turned to tickling since, well, I found it quite fun and thought it to be a form of torture, better then the other things in this horrible room.

Mia and Zagger had returned with the half-orc and he just laughed along with his friend and insulted us at how terrible we were at the torture thing, which in my mind was a compliment. They strapped him to a table that Kaylee pointed to which, she didn’t notice, had multiple pointy and blunt objects hanging above it. SOMEONE stabbed him in the leg and I had to step in and take away the pointed object from them and tried to bandage the half-orcs leg, which just caused him to laugh more. After a while we had returned the 2 men to their cells and we had learned that the caravan had green wheels and something about a fat man, which lead us to Carries Caravans. We had to go ask the king for some horses and while doing so the Queen got snippy with us but we managed to get out of there before one of us was sent to the cells but not before Zagger was knocked unconscious by the guards.

The next day we spend half of it on horse back riding to the headquarters of Carries Caravans who was owned by an old woman named Grizzelda, she showed us the caravans and gave us no information what so ever when we asked about bigger men renting or buying a caravan, but she agreed if we do her a favor then she might be able to let us look at the log. The favor was to go see why her biggest customer, which happened to be a logging company, is being scared away. We go to investigate the camp which is in the forest and suddenly Mia gets tangled in a spiders web and attacked by a monsterous spider…which in turn makes me scream like a pansy…not my best moment but it’s a spider! Mia easily dispatches the spider but another comes out and attacks me, making me scream a bit more, Kaylee kills it and then another one comes out and bites my leg, more screaming what can I say, then THEN ANOTHER ONE comes out and goes after Zagger, we kill it and then the last one runs up a tree and hides. Mia tries to go after it and gets caught again in the web and while they’re trying to play with the spider I try to run away only to have the same fate as Mia, which yes made me scream some more, it’s my new thing what can I say? Zagger got poisoned and felt weaker and after the spiders were killed they helped me out and then we walked a little further to find a creepy looking woman who turned out to be a Druid and she had said that she had taken care of the camp cause they were cutting down the trees and Kaylee wanted to play with spiders and we said no, did I mention that she was creepy? Zagger ended up in a web and we had to talk her out of letting her spider eat him and we managed to do so, we then decided to leave the scary druid lady and head back to the caravan headquarters.

But this is just an update and I haven’t been able to talk to the king about the trees and stuff and I’ll send you another letter explaining what’s going on.

Princess in Another Castle - 1
Princess in Another Castle

Roight then. So this omniscient bloke says I get something called “XP” if I write in this bloody book. This XP better be some good shite.

So me mate down at the tavern comes up to me, right? And he says, Eh, Zager! You should really try some of this shite! It’ll knock your bollocks off! So I says, “well then! Let’s have it!”

So next thing I remember I’m laying on me back, staring at the sky on the castle front lawn. I remember something about a purple tiger eating a cloud and then farting a rainbow. Or some such garbage. Anyway, I was woken up by this blooming weasel or marmoset creature, she’d scratched all over me face! That is not how one should be woken up after a night that was too spectacular to remember!

The weasel’s master says her name is Kikuri. She’s this big, blue haired elf with a far too sobering temperament. Bloody foreigners. She introduces herself, and then I hear this fucking scream- I mean to wake the dead! And I look up in the sky, and I think I hear, or even see something… And I know! I KNOW!

It’s my MUSE!!

By my strings, I’d not heard from her in so long! The screaming squeals of my muse! I knew I had to find her! I grab the elf and look around, but all I see is this scraggily, hunched-over bugger, limping away as fast as he could. Wasn’t him then, but then the rozzers come pouring out of the castle. They catch the elf easy, but I slip away. Only the pigs had locked down the castle walls, and I was stuck. I tried doubling-back (which has always worked for me in the past!), but the elf’s damn weasel crawls up me leg, I cry out, and then get tackled by the guard.

This bit I know about. Go limp, let ‘em drag you along, maybe a bit a floggin’, then on your way. This time though they take me and the elf to the throne room. Seems like the Princesshas gone missing, and they think I knew something about it. This big woman gets in me face and asks me if I know something. How the hell was I to know the Princess was my muse? They all tells me if I find the Princess, I can go.

Fuck me! I sure as hell don’t look this gift in the mouth. They put the big armoured lass in charge and tell us to go find the Princess. And for some reason there’s this tiny, blue haired, little girl following us around. Fuckin’ nearly blew me head-off when I said hello to the little wanker. Apparently she’s the Princess’ “special friend”. Right then.

So we asked around the castle, got me some choice eats and found out about this Rat Catcher bloke. He was the guy I saw limpin’ away from us in the lawn. We ask around and apparently he’s a local at the pub. Fuckin’ love that! But me muse-findin’ mates all stick me outside baby-sittin’ the little blue-haired twit. Bugger that. Made me some coin though, so not all bad.

So we find him, and take him at sword-point to his flat. And I shit you not, it’s bloody underground! This fucker is right queer. Even had trained rats he tried to sick on us. I was thinkin’, “ya, right, time to sort this fucker out!” I played my best stomping tune (“Kill all the bastards number eleven”), and get right down to business.

Turns out the bastard stole the Princess’ dog. I wanted to kill the fuckin’ dog. But instead we take her back to the castle. Big armoured bitch starts mouthin’ off to the queen, and earns herself a night in the stocks. A pair on that one, I give’er that. But looks like they’re all going to waste a perfectly good night doing nothing, so I piss-off to the pub.

Next morning I pick myself out of the trash and make my way guard-houses round the wall. I reckon’d whoever took my muse (I mean the Princess) would have to be shippin’ her outside somehow, and probably meant an inside job. I get there, and who do I find but the bosom brigade, shoutin’ up a guard. Well I know all about standin’ up to the man! I play my best rebel song (“Fuck all you rich twats!”) and beat down the first guard I see!

Eventually one of them daft twats casts a spell loud enough to draw attention, and the rest of the rozzers show. I know when discretion is the better part of valour, and flee my comrades in arms as fast as I could. Would’ve made it too, ’cept I tripped on a cobble.

You know the routine. Go limp, shout alot, everyone likes a good show. Bastards.

Welcome to your Adventure Log!

Weekly updates of what happens each session will appear here. If players are willing to write them up, there could be extra XP in it for them ….


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